I am convinced that most of our happiness, and our peace of mind, comes from learning to let go. Most of our life difficulties are not related to things we lack but by our attachments.
In the classic book, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert Pirsig talks about the lessons learned from the Southeast Asian monkey trap.
In Southeast Asia, monkeys are sometimes such a nuisance that they need to be trapped and moved farther out from the cities. The natives have come up with a clever way of capturing them through a homemade monkey trap.
“The Monkey Trap consists of a hollowed out coconut chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be grabbed through the small hole. The hole is big enough so the monkey’s hand can go in, but too small for his fist with rice to come out. When the monkey reaches in, he is trapped — by nothing more than his own rigidity. He can’t revalue the rice. He cannot see that freedom without rice is more valuable than capture with it.”
— Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
As ridiculous as it seems to imagine a monkey who cannot get free because he simply refuses to let go of rice, I know that I am constantly clinging to things that are just as certain to keep me trapped. Letting go is frightening and unfamiliar but generally brings peace.
About This Blog (and this Blogger)
- Ron Ousky
- Edina, Minnesota, United States
- I have been a divorce lawyer since 1983. Believe it or not, I like my job very much. It's not that I like divorce. I have been married since 1979. I like that even better. I don’t like divorce any more than a doctor likes disease. But, I realize that it happens, often to good people. And I know that divorces, like many crisis in life, create opportunities for new beginnings. I like new beginnings and I am humbled by the opportunity to often work with people who find strength in these trying times. Over the past three decades, I have observed more than a thousand divorces and watched hundreds of marriages that have thrived. I have learned a lot, but there is much more to be learned. This blog is dedicated to discussions of the things I have learned, and to the things that I hope to learn more about. Hope you will get something out of sharing this journey with me.
My struggle is letting go of my past mistakes - if only I could go back and undo them. Of course I would have to possess the wisdom I have now to be able to do things right. Unfortunately I got the wisdom by making those mistakes. No choice then but to let it go. If only other people wouldn't have had to suffer because of those mistakes.
ReplyDeleteJulie Jeffrey Schwartz asked that we pass along her thoughts:
ReplyDeleteThis is oh so true! Letting go many times has to do with forgiveness. Forgiveness is very difficult, and the hardest one to forgive is always yourself. Forgiveness is cleansing, and something that creates renewal. Also by letting go, you put into perspective the things in life which really matter. If it does not involve life or death, it is the small stuff. One needs to take inventory of priorities in order to truly know that the small stuff is indeed the small stuff and not worth the worry. My grandma used to always say "Do not borrow trouble from tomorrow", meaning that do not worry until you need to worry. Besides letting go, we all have problems with worrying before we need too. I found a good quote: "Good judgment comes from experience, and often experience comes from bad judgment." - Rita Mae Brown. So, by embracing the lessons from our mistakes, we are able to move forward in a positive direction. I call this "failing forward". Every time you fail, the lessons learned are so much more than if you succeed. I have often said that "I have learned little to nothing from my successes, and almost everything from my failures." But in order to know you have learned from your failures, you need to let go the shame of the mistake, and forgive yourself.