We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
- E. M. Forester
I first heard this quote from one of my favorite divorce clients. She was clearly still in pain about the divorce; deeply saddened by a divorce she did not want. This quote helped her move ahead. The faith that somehow there was a better life waiting for her gave her the strength she needed to move ahead and helped her make healthy decisions during this critical juncture in her life.
That was many years ago. I talked to her this past year and she was happier than she had ever been; maybe happier than she ever thought she would be. Hearing about happy endings is the greatest reward my job offers.
It doesn’t always happen this easily. But I wonder if she could have found so much happiness if she had not summoned up the courage to let go of her old beliefs about what her life needed to be. I have watched divorcing people hang onto their resentments like grim death and I have wondered whether they will ever be able to let go of the anger and the hurt.
I cannot judge them either way. I have not been divorced but I know how hard it can be to let go of things. There is a part of me that wants to hold on stubbornly to my way of looking at things and my expectations of the way are supposed to happen. I have always believed in new beginnings. It has been only recently that I have started to understand how new beginnings must be preceded by burying cherished old plans.
For many, the ability to let go of the need to completely control our destiny is a matter of faith. For others, it may be simply the triumph of experience over delusion. In either case, coming to acceptance of this reality seems to bring a sense of peace.
About This Blog (and this Blogger)
- Ron Ousky
- Edina, Minnesota, United States
- I have been a divorce lawyer since 1983. Believe it or not, I like my job very much. It's not that I like divorce. I have been married since 1979. I like that even better. I don’t like divorce any more than a doctor likes disease. But, I realize that it happens, often to good people. And I know that divorces, like many crisis in life, create opportunities for new beginnings. I like new beginnings and I am humbled by the opportunity to often work with people who find strength in these trying times. Over the past three decades, I have observed more than a thousand divorces and watched hundreds of marriages that have thrived. I have learned a lot, but there is much more to be learned. This blog is dedicated to discussions of the things I have learned, and to the things that I hope to learn more about. Hope you will get something out of sharing this journey with me.
You've described this conundrum with wisdom and compassion, Ron. As humans (adults and children alike), we are often at our most anxious and least comfortable when we need to make transitions from the known to the unknown, especially when we would not have chosen the path we now must take. Resentments are indeed very heavy anchors on the journey forward.
ReplyDeleteReading this post reminded me of something a friend told me years ago...that people enter and exit your life for any number of reasons over which you have no control, and instead of trying to control, appreciate the gifts they bring to the relationship as you move forward in your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks Michelle, I really appreciate your comment.
ReplyDelete