As voting day draws near, I feel a pit growing in my stomach. I have strong feelings about the outcome of this election. I also have dear friends and family members who strongly disagree with me. I want to avoid hard feelings, yet I feel obligated to stand up for what I believe in. How do I get through these next ten weeks?
My first instinct is to argue with those who disagree, with the hope that they will come to to see things my way. If you believe this has been effective, I have some swampland in Florida you may want to buy.
My second thought is to simply avoid political discourse with people that do not see things my way. But that seems wrong at many levels. If we are to grow in our relationships, and as a country, I think it is important to find a way to have these difficult conversations without damaging our relationships.
My third thought, and the one that led to this blog, is to think about ways to talk about politics in a civil manner. It may seem naive to think that we can really improve in this area, but I refuse to give up on this idea. I think our country would improve if we could find a better way to have these conversations.
In addition, I am in the business of trying to create civil dialogue. I spend most of my days working with divorcing couples and I hold myself out as an expert in helping them find ways to talk about disagreements in a civil and productive manner. It seems hypocritical for me to shirk from these challenges in my own personal life.
So I am going to work on it; starting with this blog. I plan to write a series of blogs that I hope will help me think more clearly about all of this. Over the course of the next few weeks, I intend to ask the following questions:
1. What is civil communication anyhow? It is tempting for us all to believe that civil dialogue is "what we do" and disrespecful communication is what the people who disagree with us are doing. Let’s see if we can look it a bit more objectively.
2. Am I really hearing what my friends are saying or am I just planning my counterattack as they form their words?
3. Do I have to take it so personally?
4. Can I be “Impeccable in my words”? (We are entitled to our opinions, but are we entitled to our own facts?)
5. When I have a political conversation, am I open to learning anything that might affect my opinions?
6. Can we develop rules of friendly communication that will actually allow us to grow closer to each other?
If you are interested in any of these topics, let me know what think.
And please, keep a civil tongue, (especially if you disagree with me).
About This Blog (and this Blogger)
- Ron Ousky
- Edina, Minnesota, United States
- I have been a divorce lawyer since 1983. Believe it or not, I like my job very much. It's not that I like divorce. I have been married since 1979. I like that even better. I don’t like divorce any more than a doctor likes disease. But, I realize that it happens, often to good people. And I know that divorces, like many crisis in life, create opportunities for new beginnings. I like new beginnings and I am humbled by the opportunity to often work with people who find strength in these trying times. Over the past three decades, I have observed more than a thousand divorces and watched hundreds of marriages that have thrived. I have learned a lot, but there is much more to be learned. This blog is dedicated to discussions of the things I have learned, and to the things that I hope to learn more about. Hope you will get something out of sharing this journey with me.
Let the civil conversing begin!
ReplyDeleteWell said and great questions! I think silence is one of the very greatest threats to our nation, but damaging dialogue is equally harmful. Let's find the peaceful medium!
ReplyDeleteHow to avoid damaging political conversations (all of this was learned the hard way!): Despite how strongly you feel about something, recognize that people want the same things for their families, their communities and their country, but disagree on how to get there. Before entering into a political discussion really examine your positions, and consider what compromise you might consider workable in a religiously, geographically and culturally diverse society.
ReplyDeleteBe prepared to acknowledge the legitimacy of that compromise, even if you don't agree, and also acknowledge that you and those who disagree with you have a right to continue to lobby for your own position.
Don't repeat cable news or political party soundbites. They just alienate those who disagree.
Don't demonize the opposition. No one is a Nazi or Satan personified.
And finally, don't start the discussion from the extremes, as some are doing these days in the public debate.
Ron, I'm so interested in this! Drives me to distraction, the way people on both sides won't listen, and somehow feel superior....I am planning to attend a Respectful Conversations dialogue coming up on Sept. 6. They are sponsored by the Minnesota Council of Churches, and right now are specifically revolving around the Marriage Amendment. I have heard great things about this project, and am anxious to see how it works and participate in it. Lauren, Walter, and I are planning to go to this one together. I also read a good review of a book called "The Righteous Mind: Why Good People Are Divided by Politics and Religion". It's on it's way from Barnes and Noble as I write this...so I'll let you know what I think..or maybe you've already read it. Love to see you writing about this!
ReplyDeleteWell said and good questions to ask all of us. Let the games begin.
ReplyDeleteI am truly of the belief that the majority of people who are liberal, moderate, and conservative want the same things-- stable society that has jobs and economic health, good health care, care for those who cannot care for themselves, opportunity for self-sufficiency, good schools, etc. However, where there is difference is in the path to achieving these goals. The problem as I see it is that politics can become "religionized", and people begin to become taken in by rhetoric that demonizes (and even creates fear of) the "other side". Sure, there are fringy, crazy people on the extremes of both sides (well, the moderates might be safe here!), and they tend to be the most vocal and create the most attention. But if we could learn to give benefit of the doubt, actually work from facts and do more listening to each other without the emotion taking over, we might get back to being able to find common ground, agreeing to disagree on some things, and then actually getting some things done that we all believe are important!
ReplyDelete